Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
