I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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