So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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