So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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