drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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