Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
