I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
