I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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