I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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