im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
