Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
