i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
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well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
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Alive.
So much puke
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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