My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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