I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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