i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
