Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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