Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
