the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
