he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
