physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
