Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You are a genius and a whore.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
