Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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