how can u be prego again
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
