Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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