Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
