Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
