I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I have grass duct taped all over my body
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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