I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
