we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I would fuck him just for his dog
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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