What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting