You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
just tell him i said nine months
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.