I need to stop coming to work sober
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
my poor anus
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"