this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."