i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.