So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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