i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
