Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
