Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
