As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
