his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
