suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
