imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My vagina is officially offended.
Let's get the cat blown out
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
