So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
