I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
