Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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