A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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