I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
