I cut my penus on the lid.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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