once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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