Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
