she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Floor bacon is actually really good
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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