TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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