I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I love you. Go after that dick
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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