Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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