i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
