I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
