I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
