I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
