He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
