I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Boobs speak an international language.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
