As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
