How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
