Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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