4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
false alarm. still invincible.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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