I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
