between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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