maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
