i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
