i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
