i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
