No I am not eating basil off your cock
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
