I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
